Floating, Flowing...like Feather on God's Breath

On Saturday, May 30^th, it was only fitting that I ended my online journaling with a day at the Carmelite Priory and retreat centre at Boars Hill, just outside Oxford city.  This was my only travel outside London this past month.

And I ended my day with a spiritual conversation with Fr Jimmy, a Carmelite monk who lives and works there.

After hearing a summary of my story up til that point, his suggestion was to continue my journey of going deeper into silence, and let go of all the mental “enlightenments” and “visions” that came in my prayer and meditations, no matter how insightful or life-giving.

He suggested letting go of literally all, even of all the rich imageries I experienced, just as John of the Cross suggested to Teresa of Avila.

Though, I am mindful too of what Teresa said in return, but that’s neither here or there for this present moment so I let go.

I am allowing myself to continue to go with the flow, and trust all things to unfold in perfect time, even if it means that I may still find myself in this open space in January.

And today, I listened to an interview of Toni Morrison on BBC and felt so encouraged and affirmed when I heard her say that “Beloved” was written when she lost her job, during  a space of unemployment, before looking for the next job!

And so I remain open and surrender into entering deeper into silence and divine union, be it another day, another month or another year.  However long it takes, and try to be present and mindful to each day’s journey

And remembering how, at Spiritual Directors' International conference on Emerging Wisdom in end April, I found I could breathe again...hence realising that I haven't been able to breathe freely for quite a while before that.  So I remind myself to breathe freely, and to be present to my breathing, to living full, abundant life!

Thank you.  Love and blessings to everyone who have been following me this past month.

Nita

Receiving Generosity

It’s the day after my birthday and I am blessed!

One of the biggest gifts I have received throughout this month is the love and generosity of my family (parents and brother) and friends

Because of my family I have a place to stay by myself this month.

Because of friends – their love, support and generosity, I have eaten many times this month.  I have always so grateful when others feed me delicious, wonderful food!

It roots me ever more so deeply in my Franciscan roots, and I begin to understand how Ego-busting it is to ask (humility), to depend on others (poverty) and the in the process build community and love

So my batik today is one of community

It is friends who kept me hopeful and trusting.  I spent my birthday with Joy and Alba (two friends I met here in London) who walked with me to the bus stop and waited for the bus with me; then lunch with Marlini and Thira (two friends from high school and university); then a conference call reconnecting with my Spiritual Directors International (SDI) New Contemplative community – Terri, Sarah, Lauren, Christina, Yael, Lance and Christianne.

They and their presence in my life gives me energy to love, trust, believe and hope.

This long weekend (Sat – Mon) I shall continue to connect with other friends and other people I love

And another happy note is the fact that a few friends have recently asked for more copies of my book and I have already received generous donations from others for my books and paintings.  This love, hope, faith is hence also grounded in the money I receive.

Thank you, God for the gifts of my friends and family in my life

Looking at Myself and My Life with God

From Big Picture to Concrete Here and Now

This is where I am this week.  While I have let go of fear of uncertain future in the past 2 weeks, now I am letting go of the daily nitty-gritty.  And you can’t get more practical than dealing with financial issues—to pay rent, food etc necessities.

Yes, I know that I don’t need to “do” anything to deserve God’s love and grace.

Yesterday, an AHA came in with the realisation that I don’t need to “sell” anything to deserve money too!

Money will come, I need to say YES to receive and accept now.  And not just in “ang pow” (gift of money in red packets during Chinese New Year) but always and especially in my daily life.

Also, I became aware that if I “think” that’s also because I have given much, I came to see that that’s just the Ego speaking.

I have done nothing to “deserve” receiving. 

It’s ALL Grace!  Full and abundant life!

Remembering always that We are One

Be it mystical union or just simply remembering that the Sun (and all creation), and I, and God are one.

So learning to be more mindful of asking, and then listening to my Inner Wisdom, before each decision, even the most mundane

Today I am saying Yes to receive and accept the abundant grace and full life that God has been dying to give me.  I just wasn't ready or had some blockage issues.

I know I may never learn to accept or let go of some of the issues but I now know that it doesn't matter.  I am never going to be perfect.
And it really doesn't matter because God knows and God is perfect so ALL of life are gifts, I just need to receive and accept, and enjoy, and be happy!

So what gives me pleasure today?  Sitting in sunshine, finding and picking up a £10 note on the sidewalk, going to treat myself to a delicious meal with it, and saying Yes love, life and abundance.

Also accepting that I don't know how to love, especially not strangers.  But that's ok as well.  I am saying YES to being the Lighthouse of Love

Thank you, God for allowing me to be Your Lighthouse

Love is All Around, We Just Need to Be Aware of It

This week has been a great week for me.  I contacted friends at the perfect time, as we met up in London on different days, fitting into their personal schedule as they needed to be in London for their own personal reasons.

And of course, I was able to go for spiritual direction for the first time in months helps too.

Also great, because while it “seems” like nothing is happening for me personally on the external level, there’s a lot of undercurrent energy, loving positive energy moving.

I wrote an application and a proposal for 2 organizations, and while it’s great to be so warmly invited to submit those, I have been more authentic and true to myself and my own voice.  As for the first time really, I proposed things that were important to me, that reflected my own personal spiritual journey and not care whether they will be accepted or not.

I am learnt to more concretely live in the present, including not worrying about whether I am “receiving paid employment” or not, six months for now.  I know I am working now, and I know I shall work too in 6 months’ time, whether or not others see it as a valid “job”.

My question to myself, “Where is the Love?”  Can I see it now?

I hope I can.  Just as it was with this clay art.  When I was given this lump of clay, I thought “Oh God, I’m so not good with clay, not even with Play-Doh as a child.”

Got a little stressed at first, then just decided to “get to know” the clay and “aimlessly” played with it.  Squeezing it with my hands and twisting it into random shapes.  Not sure at what point I decided to just twist it into linked hands, in the shape of a heart.

As that was done, I could see a man and a woman holding hands, so I refined that.  Finally, it just felt right to add the baby in the basket in the middle.

Perhaps, I need to start seeing my life like that lump of clay.  Squeeze it, play with it, have FUN with it!  And begin to see “Where Love Is” in each squeeze, twist and holding.

Even an Ant Loves a Day Off

For a past few days, I’ve been going out and had at least 3 appointments each day.

Today, I am just going to chill, and be like this little ant, lying resting on this floating leaf…

Soul Reflections...

When I painted this more than 3 years ago, the thought that came was that God’s heart from reflected on/in mine, as the heart is the water is a reflection of the heart in the sky.

This morning, I was reading an email from my soul-friend and sister, Eileen and through her, connected to another soul-sister, Chere.

Chere started her newsletter a few months ago, I am privileged to be a recipient.  While, consciously my decision to journal on this blog was not because of her, but I truly believe that sub-consciously, her decision to bare her soul in her newsletter inspired mine.

Chere, I take this moment to honor you and send you love.

With this, I look back at my painting and see how the message has already mindfully brought me further and deeper.

We are ALL one.  So, for sure our souls are joint and we reflect the good and highest intentions and healings of one another.

Thank you, Eileen for inspiring this reflection.  May our hearts be joint and our souls always be pure reflections of God’s.